The 5 Stages Of Grief: Megabus Edition
- Anna Crandall
- Mar 19
- 2 min read
Riding on the Megabus has, at once, been a quintessential part of my college experience and one of the most bizarre times of my life. Never have I pondered the true purpose of a “Cheese Barn” before, nor have I spent more time staring at the WiFi icon on my phone, praying for a single bar. In fact, I experienced the full five Stages of Grief on my most recent Megabus trip alongside my fellow passengers.
1. Denial: This is not as sketchy as I expected!
The seats are pretty big, it’s a double decker, and there are outlets and WiFi. Heck yeah. I wholeheartedly believe that riding this Megabus will be a fun, character-building experience in my #CollegeLifestyle. I am traveling on a budget and I am going places in life!
2. Anger: Oh, OK, so the outlets don’t work. That’s totally fine.
Yeah, yeah, so I bought tickets for like $10, but if you want me to not explode into a fiery rage, I need my iPhone. I calculated it — I can watch 11 episodes of “Law & Order: SVU” before I reach my destination, and that assurance was the only thing guiding me towards the light of this endless, Midwestern tunnel.
3. Bargaining: I can leave right now if I want.
We’ve stopped in the middle of East Jesus Nowhere, I am four hours from my destination, but my seatmate is rapidly encroaching on my personal space. I could leave right now. No one would stop me. An Uber for five hours can only be, what, $700? That’s fine. I can handle that.
4. Depression: I am dead on the inside.
We’ve reached the actual epicenter of this grand country, I haven’t seen anything I would describe as “fresh” since dawn, and the person behind me has cleared their throat 17 times. I’m almost 100 percent sure that this bus is in between veils of reality. I can’t tell if I’m awake or asleep. I can’t even tell if I’m really alive.
5. Acceptance: I have entered hell, but I will emerge from the ashes.
I will be trapped on this hellish bus for God knows how long, but I will be free one day, and until that day, I will simply have to endure the slow WiFi and array of odd passengers. I’ve heard there’s a restroom on this caravan somewhere, but my body has completely fused with my seat, so I cannot venture out to look for it. Alas! My destination is a mere hour away, maybe I’ll make it there alive.
